Maafin yah

Saya lagi super sedih minggu ini.... saya diharapkan memilih pilihan yang saya juga gak tahu harus pilih yang mana. Tante..om.. dan bapa saya super bageur ngasih masukan namun saya juga gak yakin akhirnya saya buat pilihan yang saya anggap paling baik saat ini, tante mumung  mencoba menghubungi untuk make sure tentang keputusan yang saya buat, tante bbm, telephone dan sms namun gak saya respon. Saya sayang sama tante saya yang satu ini, she's not only my aunt but also my sister and my partner, seperti biasa kalau lagi sedih saya ingin menjauh dari hal hal yang membuat saya sedih lebih baik pergi.... namun tante tampaknya salah persepsi sehingga sms gak akan telepon saya lagi, saya sediih pagi itu juga saya nangis di hotel, saya sediih kenapa saya mengecewakan orang yang sangat menyayangi saya apalagi sejak ibu gak ada sosok tante menjadi semakin kuat dalam hidup saya namun saya masih belum tahu mau bilang apa ke tante, jadi saya sms tanpa berusaha untuk teleponan.  Tante maafin aku yah, nanti aku pasti kabarin tante setelah aku yakin dan tahu keputusan yang aku ambil... mudah2an Allah memberikan aku petunjuk secepatnya... tante aku sayang tante.

pendidikan anak

saat ini banyak banget sekolah anak, mulai dari  usia toodler sampe universitas atau pilihan kurikulum mulai dari sekolah negeri, swasta, nasional plus atau internasional. kemarin2 sempet ngobrol sama temen aku mbak lingga tentang berbagai pilihan sekolah anak lengkap dengan fitur benefit nya, baiklah saya rencanain mau ngebahas topik itu lebih lengkap soalnya bagus banget tema nya cuman saya belum browsing2 literature nya sooo mungkin weekend ini :)

hello good people, I have great weekend ever

weekend ini aku sama si indah full on field hihii... sabtu siang kita ke menteng, maen ke public library namanya freedom institute di jalan proklamasi. tempatnya cozy, koleksi buku nya juga lengkap terutama buku2 import huwaaaa seneng banget, kadang ada  acara acara diskusi juga disana. you must go there!!!!

abis itu kita maen ke taman waduk pluit dan melipir ke bay walk, berhubung rubi lagi diskon jadilah kita kalap aku beli dua pasang sepatu dan si indah beli 3 pasang hihihi.....


besoknya kita pagi2 berangkat ke care share buat cooking class ngajarin anak2 di kampung aquarium bikin sandwich sama bola bola coklat tapi sebelum nya kita melipir dulu ke kota tua buat beli  bubur eh pulangnya sempet foto foto dulu di jembatan kota tua

seru banget sambil bikin sandwich plus ngajari bahan2 makanan dalam bahasa inggris ke anak anak, kebetulan aku pegang cherry class usia 4-6 tahun, masya Allah aktif2 anaknya....

abis itu kita ikut arisan pengajian tahsin di bintaro,sedih banget tahsin itu aku sulit banget dari dulu memahami nya :( momok banget dari jaman kuliah dulu, padahal kan pengen banget kelak bisa ngajarin ngaji anak2 aku kelak terutama surat Al-fatiha. aku harus jadi orang yang memperkenalkan surat itu ke anak2 aku kelak, kan akan dibaca sepanjang salat mereka. Amin ya Allah.

yeyyy finally

Allah mendengar doa aku :) akhirnya we have good ending story, insya Allah. tanpa direncanakan kita bertemu, ngobrol sana sini setelah beberapa bulan gencatan senjata *aih akhirnya suasana normal kembali. Terimakasih Allah, Alhamdulillah ya Allah terimakasih...

Road to healthy lifestyle *Aiiiih*

Hari ini hari pertama jogging bentar sih 25 menit mah ada, slowly but surely, udah gitu melipir beli susu kedelai hihihihi.....  semalem om saya telepon,  ternyata I got another shocked news, kalem winda :( jangan dipikirin semua nanti otak kamu bangkrut. Ya udah saya belajar ngontrol bicara dan emosi saya, cukup tenang dan gak ada nada pengen nangis as usual, good for beginner kayak saya. Yak intinya si om bilang everything happen for a reason, winda mah tugas nya berusaha dan berdoa, dan everybody has their own problem..enough...  gak lama kemudian saya telepon si indah, mau menghibur soalnya si indah wa saya siang tadi with big news about her life, even si indah bilang it's okay but I have been there before in the same condition. Sedih banget pastinya.... saya belajar banget menghargai orang2 yang ada di sekitar saya apalagi mereka yang tetap ada in the bottom of my life.. in the middle of my critical life... karena kalau kita lagi di atas banyak yang mendekat mah itu udah biasa bukan contohnya aja pejabat pas jadi pejabat pasti banyak yang ngunjungi coba kalau lagi di kpk malah sok2an gak kenal.... oke morning report nya sekian... siap2 ngantor. .. good morning good people

I miss her so much

Ibuuu lagi apa disana? Winda kangen.. ketika ada suara takbir berkumandang winda makin kangen ibu... kangen ibu dengan segala nasehat dan cerewetnya... ibu.... winda kangen banget... winda pengen salat taraweh lagi di at taqwa sama ibu... duduk dekat kipas biar gak panas.  Ibu winda sayang ibu... winda selalu ingat telepon terakhir kita di krl siang itu, winda akan selalu ingat nasehat ibu... ibu bahagia terus yah disana, kita akan selalu doa buat ibu selalu doa... ibu maafin kalau winda belum bisa jadi cucu yang baik... belum bisa balas kebaikan ibu... ibu winda nangis pas nulis ini. ... winda bener2 kangen ibu... rumah ciawi gak akan sama tanpa ibu, ibu yang selalu jadi front liner kalau ada kecelakaan, bahkan ke alun2 pun rela berjalan demi mendapat kabar identitas korban... lalu berbagi cerita dengan kami di rumah... ibu yang rela masak non stop kalau mau lebaran... dulu mulai dari kacang, brownis, opor, ketupat, sambal goreng ati dan rendang kau buat makin tahun makin berkurang bahkan terakhir tiada harusnya kami sadar engkau makin renta makin terbatas masak banyak... ibu maafkan winda yah yang gak peka... yang selalu banyak bercanda dirumah, hingga tak peka engkau begitu lelah...

a formula for unlimited blessings in your life

3 pertanyaan di tahun ini

saya takut.. saya takut jadi manusia yang gagal.. pagi ini  tante mumung bbm jadilah kita ngobrol ngalor ngidul di bbm, mulai dari hilang duit di dompet, kurban, sate, kaki pecah2, pekerjaan, kuliah ampe kehidupan rumah tangga.... setelah bbm saya pun ketakutan... cemas... saya takut jadi manusia gagal, ya Allah saya takuuut menghadapi masa depan, saya takut saya gagal, saya takut saya tidak mempunyai kebanggan atas hidup saya, saya takut tidak cukup kuat menghadapi masa depan, saya takut saya telat menemukan passion saya, saya takut dengan penolakan...

saya  sudah membaca speech steve jobs di stanford, betapa beruntungnya dia bisa menemukan passion di usia dini, kurang dari 20 tahun walau bayarannya tidaklah murah DO dari kampus, bahkan di pecat di perusahaan yang dia dirikan dan besarkan, saya pernah mendengar quote yang bagus dari steve mariboli 

"as i look back on my life, i realize that every time i thought i was being rejected from something good, i was actually being directed to something better" 

ada tiga pertanyaan dalam hidup saya yang ingin segera saya tahu jawabannya.. Jodoh, Pekerjaan (passion) dan Pendidikan.. 

Jodoh, saya percaya wanita yang baik akan dapat pria baik, saya meyakinkan diri saya mungkin dia yang saya tidak tahu namanya, rupanya, pekerjaaanya ataupun usianya kelak (namun saya tahu dia pasti seorang pria) sedang mempersiapakan dirinya untuk saya, sedang bekerja keras untuk saya dan calon anak2 saya, dan sedang memperbaiki diri nya untuk menjemput saya. saya harus tetap positif dan berdoa, saya yakin dan percaya sama janji Allah, Dia tidak mungkin php hambanya. saya juga harus mulai bodo amat sama pertanyaan kapan undangannya teh? teteh level nya tinggi kali (emangnya ma icih apa pakai level)? atau teteh gendutan sih (oke yang ini saya harus concern hehhehehe ) mengabaikan pertanyaan2 curiosity dan penuh judging  ....  saya harus sepenuhnya yakin sama janji Allah... no more galau lagi yaks winduuut, mulai memperbaiki diri, menjadi manusia lebih bermanfaat buat umat (fokusin  gerakan mukena layak pakai untuk fasilitas umum buat invest akhirat, banyakin baca buku dan ngajar anak2 kurang mampu di care share) semoga Allah menunjukkan segera the right one buat winda, Amin ya Allah.

Pekerjaan, saya envy liat temen saya yang sudah terlihat mapan, bahagia dan punya pekerjaan tetap, nah saya masih kerja di distributor kecil :( saya bersyukur karena perkejaan ini saya bisa keluar kota maupun luar negeri, namun saya belum merasa settle dengan pekerjaan saya... saya ingin cepat2 akselerasi jadi manager di perusahaan besar, namun dengan background pengalaman, skill dan pendidikan yang dirasa sangat minim saya jadi down, saya pengen cepet2 tahu dimana saya harus  berkarir jadi professional atau jadi bussines woman.. namun kalau sudah menikah sih lain soal, jadi ibu rumah tangga pun saya mau, toh jabatan saya kelak jadi manager rumah tangga juga kan:P namun sejak dari sekarang saya harus belajar mandiri  dalam hal finansial, supaya ketika menikah kelak saya bisa menghargai dan menjaga finansial suami saya, masa jadi manager yang gagal sih di rumah sendiri

Pendidikan, sebenernya dulu kala jadi mahasiswa saya pengen banget s2 di ausie monarsh university 2 tahun saya membayangkan bisa berdialektika disana, namun dengan berjalannya waktu ternyata Allah membelokkan saya ke jalan ini, saya jadi punya passion menggebu gebu dengan managemen 7 bulan belakangan ini, apalagi si pak edri berhasil hipnotis saya kalau MM itu worth it buat dikejar, karena selain networking yang luas juga bantu kita banget dalam hal professional kerja... ngeliat daftar harga MM yang gak mungkin saya afford (+/- 100 juta) membuat saya jeeper  pak edri aja dapat gelar MM di usia lebih dari 30 kalau biaya sendiri apalagi saya yang single fighter... namun ada beasiswa PPM tahun ini katanya sih maksimal usia 26 kan saya masih 25, mudah2an saya bisa ikutan.. mudah2an saya bisa dapat... mudah2an saya diberikan yang terbaik 

ya Allah, I'm working on it (walaupun masi dirasa belum optimal).. semoga ketiga pertanyaan saya diberikan jawaban terbaik oleh Mu ya Allah... biarkan blog ini jadi saksi kegalauan saya dan indahnya skenario yang Engkau berikan... Amin ya Allah

yummy. spaghetti sosis

liat gambar ini di grup fb, hmm... merencanakan malam ini langsung di eksekusi di rumah buat menu buka puasa... hm, yummy... coudnt wait to meet my kitchen *ceilah*

Steve Jobs’s Commencement Speech 2005 at Stanford

Hello Free day.. saya kutip speech nya Steve Job's yah keren, amazing, inspiring banget!!!!! baca pelan pelan ya... ketika kita gagal dalam satu hal, jangan menyerah, jangan banyak mengeluh... keep fighting, Karena saya yakin Allah membuat skenario yang lebih indah.. terbaik untuk kita, don't stop believing, trying, fighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cekidot his speech yah

“I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it’s likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much. “